'It's not just struggle': 21-year-old transgender male details journey to finding 'light at the end

Growing up, 21-year-old Moss Blomerus was a typical tomboy, dressing up in "board shorts and boy cousins' hand-me-downs".

Now, over 3 months into his female-to-male (FTM) gender transition, Moss looks back at childhood memories with revelation at the tell-tale signs that he was born in the wrong body.

"Looking back, there were definitely signs, like I was a little bit too jealous of the boys' short hair," Moss explains.

"I didn't realise at that point that I needed to transition. It took a while."

As a transgender male, Moss previously used her/she pronouns and his birth sex was registered as female, but he is now undergoing masculinising hormone therapy and uses the pronouns they/them and he/him, as his personal identity and gender does not correspond with his birth sex.

The road to Moss's decision to transition has been "a slow process", filled with questions, confusion and frustration, but he says he is now beginning to see the "light at the end of the tunnel".

"When you spend your whole life having people misunderstand you on sight, just looking forward and going 'one day, I will actually be visible as myself', it just makes everything easier."

'This is a nice body, but why do I hate it so much?'

After coming out as gay in 2015, Moss believed he had found what was wrong, given that he was already comfortable expressing masculinity, but the gnawing feeling only grew.

"When I came out, I was happy at first. I thought 'ah, this is what's been making me unhappy. I've come out, now things will be fine,' but I just had this nagging feeling that 'that's not it'."

For Blomerus, childhood was accompanied by a lot of body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria, especially so after attending an all-girls Anglican school, where he recalls being extremely unhappy and uncomfortable in his skin.

"I was very uncomfortable in my skin and I couldn't figure out why," says Moss. "I was like, 'I like my body, this is a nice body, but why do I hate it so much?'"

During the national lockdown in 2020, Moss says he finally had time to weigh his options and decide what the correct decision for him would be. He found public transgender representation very helpful during this time.

"I spent a lot of time watching trans people and just feeling deeply and horribly jealous," says Moss. "It became quite apparent to me that I was never going to be completely happy just expressing masculinity outwardly, I need to fully transition."

"I realised that the only thing stopping me was myself and one day over dinner, I said 'family, I'm sure none of you are surprised by this announcement, but I need to transition'."

'I feel quite normal'

So far, Moss's biggest obstacle has been trying to explain the necessity of the transition to his father who is still grieving his daughter.

"He also fears for my life - he fears for what my life will be because of the transition - that my life will be harder," says Moss.

However, Moss still characterises his transition as one of the easier, more accepting transitions thanks to family and friends who have been open and accepting.

Thankfully, Moss's mother and sisters were extremely supportive and "completely unsurprised" by his announcement. This continued onto social media where the support he received was "overwhelmingly amazing".

"I feel quite normal," says Blomerus. "I'm very lucky that I exist in a circle of people who are extremely understanding and have been exposed to this."

"There's no way to describe how valuable just feeling comfortable is - or not even being comfortable yet, but just seeing a light at the end of the tunnel, seeing a future where I will be able to walk into the world and be seen as who I am."

'It's different now'

For many parents, the idea of having a child undergo a medical transition can be daunting, but Blomerus urges these parents to expose themselves to the 'trans world' and understand their children's views.

"A big misalignment with kids and their parents with this type of stuff is the generational divide - parents just haven't been exposed like we have and it's this big scary thing that they don't see all the time and they think only young people do," says Blomerus.

"You just need to take the leap and get on social media, and watch YouTube videos and just expose yourself to the reality of what a trans life could be these days, which is actually really beautiful and joyful, and it's not just fear, it's not just struggle - which is the idea of a trans life that a lot of older generations have."

"It's different now," says Blomerus. "If you're confused, ask."

"To be asked, as a trans person, the right type of question - there is nothing better."

First published on News24.